| "The only difference between a rut and a grave | | | | - Having the same conversation over and over |
| are the dimensions." | | | | again |
| Q: My wife and I are both on our second | | | | - Having that strange sense of "relationship deja |
| marriage. We feel like we are both losing some of | | | | vu" - we've been here before. |
| our excitement and love for each other, just like | | | | - Arguing and bickering just for something to do |
| is our first marriages. We feel like we are stuck in | | | | What Not To Do |
| a rut. What can we do to get out of this rut? | | | | We all try to solve the problem of relationship |
| A: You've not only asked an excellent question, it's | | | | ruts in our own way. Here are some solutions |
| even been asked in song. | | | | that I've seen couples try that are worth |
| In "Make Love Stay" Dan Fogelberg asks, | | | | avoiding; |
| "Now that we've loved, | | | | - Keep doing the same things over and over and |
| Now that the lonely nights are over | | | | expect different results |
| How do we make love stay?" | | | | - Blame your partner or accuse them of being |
| New relationships | | | | boring |
| New relationships are exciting. The thrill of falling in | | | | - Convince yourself that life would be much more |
| love and discovering new things about each other | | | | fun with someone else |
| is simply a lot of fun. | | | | - Make major changes just for the sake of |
| After the honeymoon stage of a relationship has | | | | change. For example, move (just a geographical |
| passed, we move into the "making it work" stage | | | | cure) or have a child. |
| of the relationship. Sometimes the making it work | | | | What To Do |
| stage is just not as much fun as the honeymoon | | | | Having said all that, here are a few suggestions |
| stage. This is where the work part of making it | | | | for breaking out of relationship ruts; |
| work comes in. | | | | - Begin by remembering what is was that first |
| One of the dangers of the making it work stage | | | | attracted you to this person in the first place. You |
| is to fall into what I call relationship ruts. A | | | | may have forgotten some things and may be |
| relationship rut is when as a couple you begin to | | | | surprised by what you remember |
| feel as if you are stuck, sort of going through the | | | | - Do something "safely out of character." In the |
| motions and not getting anywhere. | | | | song "Dirt Gets Under The Fingernails" by Harry |
| This is the point that some relationships die, | | | | Chapin, the prim, proper and neat wife goes out |
| because the only difference between a rut and a | | | | and buys art supplies and makes a mess while |
| grave are the dimensions. | | | | the always dirty mechanic husband gets a shave, |
| Let's take a look at some of the signs of | | | | hair cut, manicure and new clothes. Surprise each |
| relationship ruts and what not to do, and then | | | | other. |
| what to do to get out of the rut and keep the | | | | - Do some of the things you may have enjoyed |
| spark alive. | | | | as a child: buy a coloring book, some play dough, |
| Signs of Relationship Ruts | | | | put on some roller skates, etc. |
| One sure sign and conclusive evidence of a | | | | - Use your creativity! One way to do this would |
| relationship rut is if the following conversation | | | | be to brainstorm all the crazy, absurd, and |
| sounds familiar - | | | | ridiculous ideas you can think of, that you would |
| "What do want to do tonight?" | | | | never do. Then go back over your list and see if |
| "I don't know, whatever you want to do." | | | | there are the seeds for some useful creative |
| "I don't know what I want to do, whatever you | | | | solutions. |
| want to do is fine." | | | | - Make a list of all the things you like to do for |
| "Where do you want to eat?" | | | | fun. Then pick one you that you may not have in |
| "I don't know, where do you want to eat?" | | | | a very long time. |
| ETC - ETC - ETC - yuck! | | | | As the songwriter says, making love stay can be |
| Other signs of relationship ruts include; | | | | one of the more difficult tasks in relationships. |
| - Doing the same thing over over again and it not | | | | Avoiding and/or getting out of relationships ruts |
| being enjoyable | | | | can go a long way to keeping the spark alive. |