| Can you boast that you can secure the second | | | | stranger? Come to think of it most women |
| date every time but not like this...? | | | | would; but that is before she has met him, not |
| QUESTION: Do you believe in clubs for women? | | | | afterwards.) |
| ANSWER: Only if every other form of persuasion | | | | Every woman is a rebel and usually in wild revolt |
| fails! | | | | against herself. (Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No |
| Whether you want it or not, the second date | | | | Importance, 1893.) |
| must be secured just to prove to yourself that it | | | | "But", said Charles, "How do I get a second date |
| is procurable; so that when someone really special | | | | with her?" I explained the basic differences |
| comes along you will be able to confidently ask | | | | between men and women. Men see - women |
| her out a second time. | | | | feel. To men it's a visual thing; it's what he sees. |
| It was fairly easy to get the first date because | | | | Whereas with women it's how you make her feel. |
| you have something in common. Something in | | | | She doesn't leave the beautician or the |
| common? you ask. Yes you are both single. But | | | | hairdresser's saying, "I look great", but, "I feel |
| once your worst fears materialised, yes she is | | | | great". It is how a man makes her feel that is |
| taller than you and twice your weight, or perhaps | | | | important. Some of the world's most beautiful |
| she is like Nancy Astor describes herself: | | | | women loved ugly men. |
| "My vigour, vitality and cheek repel me. I am the | | | | Someone cited Sofia Loren and Carlo Ponti as the |
| kind of woman I would run away from." | | | | perfect example - only to be told by a fellow that |
| So naturally you keep looking for more flaws. You | | | | it was his money that attracted her. I argued that |
| hardly say a word yourself, while she seems to | | | | Sohpia Loren probably had more than Carlo Ponti. |
| be suffering from verbal diarrhea. You know she | | | | No matter how handsome a man, if he treats a |
| can see you disapprove. You forget your | | | | woman badly - or even indifferently - she will |
| manners in your haste to be out of her company | | | | soon tire of him. I went on to explain that there |
| and ... no! you did not get a second date. | | | | were many ways to attract a special woman but |
| Why? She's not your type. But if almost every | | | | the easiest was to take an interest in her hobbies |
| woman you meet is not your type, how will you | | | | and interests. |
| know what your type is? And how do you know | | | | Most women are keen to learn something new. If |
| you will get a second date? Those of you who | | | | you can discover something you can teach her, |
| are naturally polite, will at least take a polite | | | | you may even skip a few rungs up the ladder of |
| interest in the woman who does not appeal. But a | | | | success. If she wants to go roller-blading and you |
| polite interest is hardly a full dress rehearsal. | | | | are quite adept; show her how. She will not only |
| Unless you are prepared to take a genuine | | | | admire your prowess but will get such a thrill out |
| interest in your | | | | of mastering it. Everyone loves to learn |
| prospective-new-platonic-friend-who-could | | | | something new and of course they are |
| be-very-useful-as-a-practice-run-until-Ms-Right | | | | appreciative of the teacher. |
| comes-along, when someone special does appear | | | | If Charles had discovered a common interest; and |
| on the scene you may not be as adept as you | | | | interest that his Elle was really keen to pursue, he |
| would like to be or perhaps not have the | | | | probably would have secured the next two or |
| confidence to carry it off. | | | | three dates. And while all this roller-blading or |
| Have you noticed the playboy in action? He | | | | whatever was taking place, he could have |
| believes: Winning isn't everything it's the only thing. | | | | searched further to find even more common |
| The playboy never wastes a woman. Everyone | | | | interests that are dear to her heart. |
| he meets: from nine to ninety; seven stone to | | | | By the way, don't forget to tell her how good |
| seventeen stone; plain, ugly , beautiful; he charms | | | | she looks in roller blades. Even if she is the type |
| them all. To him every one is a practice run; a full | | | | who would say: "I'll bet you say that to every |
| dress rehearsal in preparation for the gala | | | | woman who looks good". |
| performance when he meets Ms Right. | | | | Edward's problem was worse. He was not even |
| Charles is tall, dark and handsome with a winning | | | | enjoying the first date, much less getting a |
| smile. He said: "But Rosalind I can get a second | | | | second. "What went wrong?" I asked. "It was so |
| date with the ones that don't interest me. It's | | | | stiff. The conversation was stilted. I am sure |
| always the women I am keen on that elude me". | | | | neither of us enjoyed ourselves. I felt so flat |
| "Do you come on too strong, show your hand | | | | afterwards. I am sure she didn't like me". |
| too soon?" I asked Charles. | | | | "What did you do or where did you go?" I asked |
| "No" he said. "I keep it all pretty low key". "Well | | | | Edward. "We went for a walk in the Botanic |
| what do they say when you invite them out a | | | | Gardens and we mainly talked about our families |
| second time?" I asked. "The last one who was | | | | and our jobs". "Are you or she regular visitors to |
| my idea of Elle McPherson said, I have lots more | | | | the Gardens?" I asked. "No, it was my first visit", |
| fellows to meet yet. I'm not really looking for a | | | | said Edward. |
| relationship". "That's easily solved Charles. Don't | | | | It was definitely unfamiliar territory. Most women |
| invite the Elle McPherson's of this world to start a | | | | would love to go for a walk in the Gardens. It's so |
| relationship", I said. "But I didn't" he said in | | | | romantic. But not on the first meeting. It's just |
| misunderstood tones. | | | | too heavy with a perfect stranger. Talking about |
| "Oh yes you did Charles. You may not have | | | | personal issues, such as family are also a little too |
| phrased it in those exact words but she replied to | | | | heavy for a first meeting. |
| that question so it's what she thought you said". | | | | If she is not interested in you initially it will drive |
| "Hell, all I asked, after our first meeting which | | | | her further away. A quick cup of coffee or a |
| ended up with dinner, was: "Would you like to do | | | | drink is enough to find out what it is she would |
| this again?" Hardly a marriage proposal!" | | | | really enjoy doing. If you find that you have |
| 'Relationship': the civilised conversationalist uses this | | | | nothing in common - there will be a least one |
| word in public only to describe a seafaring vessel | | | | movie that you both want to see. It is vital that |
| carrying members of his family. Fran Lebowitz, | | | | you convince her to see that movie with you. |
| Metropolitan Life, 1978. | | | | Never waste a woman or an opportunity to |
| I then went on to explain to Charles that although | | | | practice on one. I explained to Edward that the |
| it seemed an innocuous enough invitation to | | | | easiest way to get a woman to like him is to |
| Charles, this particular Elle McPherson could see it | | | | make her shine. Everyone has 'star qualities' |
| becoming a habit. Forgive her; she's only met | | | | Discover hers and give her the opportunity to |
| Charles once. | | | | shine for you. Once she is shining, her beam will |
| What girl wants to go steady with a perfect | | | | light you up too. |